– you have said curses about those stinkin cat naps
– you have turned more than one item of clothing into a makeshift burp cloth
– “go touch up my face before we leave” really means refreshing yesterday’s make-up
– you’ve caught vomit with any part of your body
-you’ve pulled open the back of someone’s pants or lifted someone’s butt to your face to check for poop and there was nothing awkward going on
– you have emptied your bladder to the best of your ability only to bend down a minute later to pick up a child and have a little pee escape onto your last clean pair of underwear (ok look, I’m not saying it happened to me, but I’m not saying it hasn’t happened a few times to me either. Not lately, of course, because I am sooo caught up on laundry and also it’s been a few months since that happened, ok?)
– you’ve stayed up way too late looking at photos of your kids on your phone because holy cow! you miss them and they’ve only been asleep 12 minutes
– you assess various parts of your body to figure out what needs to be washed, shaved or scrubbed immediately during this shower and what can wait a few days because you probably only have about 5 minutes before the baby wakes up
– you’ve taken a selfie to see if baby is awake or asleep on your shoulder
– you’ve stayed up way past your bedtime googling symptoms and then struggled to bring things back down to planet earth and not wake up your husband to see if he agrees with your diagnosis/paranoia
– you’ve had to excuse yourself from the dining table because your boobs were leaking on your lap
– you’ve cried over spilled milk because ALL THAT PUMPING FOR NOTHING
– a trip to Target by yourself is both wildly liberating and absolutely weird
Mama friends, anything you’d like to add?
Dads out there, what are some things on your “you know you’re a dad if…” list?