Things I never thought I would say

Being a mom changes things. Is that an understatement? Too obvious?


Well, it’s true. There have been so many things that I never in my wildest dreams imagined would come out of someone’s mouth – let alone mine! Husband and I started a list of some of the absurd things we’ve said since becoming parents. Here are the highlights:

-“Please don’t rub peanut butter in your eye.”
-“Shoes are not supposed to be tasty. Take your foot out of your mouth, please!”
-“Please don’t put your head in the cheese.”
-“Pizza does not go on your forehead.”
“Oh, thank you. I love slobbery B’s.”
-“Ah ah! No ma’am. Uh. That doesn’t mean stick your other finger in the other hole.”
-“You painted yourself with basil pesto…guess it’s real bath night after all.”
-“You have spaghetti in your leg creases.”
-“Why are you rubbing Cheeto dust on your feet?”
-“Do not lick the toilet seat. Do NOT lick the toilet seat!…STOP licking the toilet seat!”

With that last one I was trying to find the most humane way to disinfect Eleanor’s mouth, but couldn’t come up with any answers because all I wanted to do was grab the Lysol or some whiskey and there was no way either one was going to happen. The good news is that she didn’t get sick and she’s doing just fine now.

What are some of the stranger things you’ve said or heard someone else say to a little one?


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