A little story about a BIG spider

It seems like most of my blog posts start with “Oh, yeah. I have a blog.”

And this is another one of those because, HELLO. It’s been 18 months since I last wrote a post and a few things have happened since then.

I had another baby (Hi, sweet baby James!)
Ellie started a MDO program twice a week and turned two last month (I’m still in denial)
We went on vacation with friends to Colorado sans toddlers
My BFF from high school got married
We remodeled our kitchen
So many friends have had babies
And on and on

A lot has happened!

#jamespreston

I found this story below in my drafts folder. Obviously I had forgotten that I started a post about it, but there is rarely a day when I go into the pantry and don’t think about that monster. So anyway, enjoy my hysterics from July 23, 2013 and I’ll see you again in another 18 months, ok?

________________________________________

Y’all.

I have a story to tell you.

And it involves a BIG BOOTY spider. Not just a big spider. Not just a BIG spider. There is only one way to describe this monstrosity. With the words BIG and the alternate name for a donkey which I won’t use because I’m a mom now and kids are sponges so I’ll just say BOOTY.

Let me start a couple of days ago when I went into the back pantry to get some of Eleanor’s baby food out of the deep freeze. I try not to go back there barefoot too often because I know, I know, that there are spiders in there. You can say that my spidey sense starts tingling because there are guaranteed to be spiders in there. So anyway, there I was, standing just inside the pantry when I looked down and saw a spider run around my left foot and start charging towards my right. I immediately started dancing a jig and trying to get away from it and it was happy enough to run from me. Until I picked up a little cooler to smash it. Then it turned around and ran back at me while lifting it’s hind quarters into the air.

I know people say that spiders are just as afraid of us as we are of them. But this was a purely offensive move on the spider’s part. He was ready to kill. And let me tell you what. When a spider starts charging you and throwing its butt up into the air it suddenly becomes the most terrifying spider in the world.

And it was the most terrifying spider in the world. Until today.

Today, I went into the back pantry to get dinner for Ellie (barefoot, duh, dumb). Since the other day I’ve begun turning on the light and then looking to make sure there are no spiders in the near vicinity of where my feet are going to be. The coast was clear initially. But THEN! In the corner of the pantry was the mother of all that is evil and wrong in the world. It took me about .875 seconds to run screaming to the living room. I jumped on the couch and stood up there with full body convulsions screaming, “Get it! Get it out of there!! Get it out NOW!”

It wasn’t the size of a softball, but it was large enough to require the shop vac to suck it up.

After vacuuming it up from approximately 8 feet away, Husband looked in the shop vac and swore that it was dead because its legs were bent the wrong way. But I knew.

And it wasn’t. 

You could say my spidey sense was tingling again.

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