I’m limited

Forgive me blogger, it has no been almost four months since my last update. I am undisciplined in my updating. I am the worst type of blogger because I usually forget that I even have a blog. My reasons for this are that I keep a journal. I update that regularly and I usually have a lot to say. The idea of a public journal is a little intimidating I think. In blogland there is no ‘private’ option. I think I liked that about livejournal, but even with livejournal I never updated regularly. I suppose the things I feel like writing about are of such a personal nature that I don’t feel secure in posting those thoughts and insecurities for all the world to see. I should keep this updated though on what God has been doing. On that I have a lot to say.

The hardest part is deciding where to start. I think I’ll make a quick update about what is happening now. In summary:

1. I am broke(broke). (SN (side-note): I think I am ending my relationship with Kanye. He’s foul, although his jams can be so good!)
2. God is preparing me for ministry

1. I am a poor, broke, job-less college student. Woe is me… Not. I have always thought that the amount of money in my bank account has dictated whether I was rich or poor. Sometimes I am overjoyed because my bank account seems full. Other times I am depressed and suffer from anxiety attacks because there is less that $20 in my account. What I have realized, and am ashamed to admit I didn’t realize this sooner, is that regardless of what my bank account says of me, I am indeed a very wealthy woman. You see, sometimes God blesses me financially and money pours into my checking account. Sometimes God allows me to live off of mere pennies. Whatever the state of my checking account, God is always in control. He always provides, He always fills my needs. There are times when I question His will because it is financially painful to trust Him. But I can thank him throughout all situations because He is a God with a plan. And He is faithful. So very, very faithful. He is good; through the good and the bad times, He is always good.

2. My fantastic roommate and I are teaming up under God’s direction and are preparing to step into ministry. It was such a wonderful part of His plan bringing us together in an unusual way. It was terrifying for a while to realize all of the things that we have in common. He has given us both a passion to work with junior high girls, and he has provided an opportunity to serve Him in our own neighborhood. This will not be easy. If I start thinking about and dwelling on the fact that I am beyond incapable of doing this I begin to panic. Because I am BEYOND ill-equipped for this. I am terrified. The glory of this situation is that I’m not supposed to be able to do this. This is where I can step out in faith and let God use me. I don’t have the words or wisdom to give to these girls. I come from such a different background. It is a blessing to be able to turn to God from the start and say “ehhh, You’re in control. I’m terrified, but I trust you. I’ll move when you move.” I will try to keep this updated because I have much more to say and I know that God is preparing to do something in a big way. I am truly excited to see Him work! To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever.

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